Alchemist, The

By Ben Jonson

Act V Scene I. Before Lovewit`s door.

Act V

Scene I. Before Lovewit`s door.

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Scene I. Before Lovewit`s door.

[Enter] Lovewit, [with several of the] Neighbours

Love. Has there been such resort, say you?

1 Nei. Daily, sir.

2 Nei. And nightly, too.

3 Nei. Ay, some as brave as lords.

4 Nei. Ladies and gentlewomen.

5 Nei. Citizens` wives.

1 Nei. And knights.

6 Nei. In coaches.

2 Nei. Yes, and oyster-women.

1 Nei. Beside other gallants.

3 Nei. Sailors` wives.

4 Nei. Tobacco men.

5 Nei. Another Pimlico!^1

[Footnote 1: A summer resort, where the citizens had cakes and ale.]
Love. What should my knave advance,
To draw this company? He hung out no banners
Of a strange calf with five legs to be seen,
Or a huge lobster with six claws?

6 Nei. No, sir.

3 Nei. We had gone in then, sir.

Love. He has no gift
Of teaching i` the nose^2 that e`er I knew of.
You saw no bills set up that promis`d cure
Of agues, or the tooth-ache?

[Footnote 2: Like a Puritan preacher.]

2 Nei. No such thing, sir!

Love. Nor heard a drum struck for baboons or puppets?

5 Nei. Neither, sir.

Love. What device should he bring forth now?
I love a teeming wit as I love my nourishment:
`Pray God he have not kept such open house,
That he had sold my hangings, and my bedding!
I left him nothing else.. If he have eat `em,
A plague o` the moth, say I! Sure he has got
Some bawdy pictures to call all this ging;^3
The Friar and the Nun; or the new motion^4
Of the knight`s courser and the parson`s mare;
Or`t may be, he has the fleas that run at tilt
Upon a table, or some dog to dance.
When saw you him?

[Footnote 3: Gang.]

[Footnote 4: Puppet show.]

1 Nei. Who, sir, Jeremy?

2 Nei. Jeremy butler?
We saw him not this month.

Love. How!

4 Nei. Not these five weeks, sir.

6 Nei. These six weeks at the least.

Love. You amaze me, neighbours!

5 Nei. Sure, if your worship know not where he is,
He`s slipt away.

6 Nei. Pray God he be not made away.

Love. Ha! it`s no time to question, then. Knocks at the door.
6 Nei. About
Some three weeks since I heard a doleful cry,
As I sat up a mending my wife`s stockings.

Love. `Tis strange that none will answer! Did`st thou hear A cry, sayst thou?

6 Nei. Yes, sir, like unto a man
That had been strangled an hour, and could not speak.

2 Nei. I heard it too, just this day three weeks, at two o`clock Next morning.

Love. These be miracles, or you make `em so!
A man an hour strangled, and could not speak,
And both you heard him cry?

3 Nei. Yes, downward, sir.

Love, Thou art a wise fellow. Give me thy hand, I pray thee. What trade art thou on?

3 Nei. A smith, an`t please your worship.

Love. A smith! Then lend me thy help to get this door open.
3 Nei. That I will presently, sir, but fetch my tools -
[Exit.]

1 Nei. Sir, best to knock again afore you break it.


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